Denial
Despite the biopsy's result, my mom staying at the hospital and listening to a lot of doctors repeating how the treatment will go, I kept thinking it was just a bad dream or a mistaken diagnostic.
My family filed my soul with peace when I met them at the hospital entrance the day after the news and they were trying to show their support but I was still thinking it was just a nightmare and I would wake up to find my mommy smiling and healthy at home.
I had never imagined something like that. Nobody does. Cancer is something you always look at the distance and you can't imagine how big it is until someone in your family gets it. We even have a relative with leukemia before.
I denied the illness during the first days, I blocked that part of our lives and saw it like a simple illness to have the courage to show myself as strong as I learnt I had to be since I was a child. My grandma used to say me that I had to be brave and with an strong temperament so that's what I was trying to do.
In addition, since I was a little girl, I learnt to be strong and more responsible than I should to show my support to my mom. She was the best single mom someone could wish for and never let us miss anything, supported for our big and lovely family.
Now I was seeing her so strong enough to tell us that everything would be ok and that she would go back home healthy again, she kept brave enough to take difficult choices and still fighting for her children so I was able to think about the mistaken diagnostic because I thought that a mom can't be very ill or at least not while her kids aren't older enough to make their own lives.
At that moment I wasn't able to understand why my family was always next to us, asking how to help and trying to show their support or trying to teach us what to do and how to do it. I even felt annoyed of them and their attitude, I couldn't understand anything.
I didn't want to admit that my mom had cancer and will take her a lot of time to go back home so we had to think about a new way to live, be with her and keep our home perfect, just like she used to do.
Each person admits the illness in its way, when your heart and your mind finally let you do it or when that "roller coaster" makes you wake up. That's why it's so important that relatives and friends show always their support being there to talk whenever the patient or its family members need it, to answer any question or just to take a walk.
In fact, sometimes isn't necessary to talk about the illness and specially not when someone didn't accept it yet. Time is the only one who can determine when you will accept the illness and with it, you will start a lot of little battles.
At any stage of this "roller coaster" the most important thing if you will show your support is to be very specific about what you can do. If you say "I'm here for you no matter what", maybe it can't work so well but you can help a lot if you say "I can show you how to do..." or "I can do this for you if you want" or just "I can be next to you to walk or just take a break and breathe"
My family filed my soul with peace when I met them at the hospital entrance the day after the news and they were trying to show their support but I was still thinking it was just a nightmare and I would wake up to find my mommy smiling and healthy at home.
I had never imagined something like that. Nobody does. Cancer is something you always look at the distance and you can't imagine how big it is until someone in your family gets it. We even have a relative with leukemia before.
I denied the illness during the first days, I blocked that part of our lives and saw it like a simple illness to have the courage to show myself as strong as I learnt I had to be since I was a child. My grandma used to say me that I had to be brave and with an strong temperament so that's what I was trying to do.
In addition, since I was a little girl, I learnt to be strong and more responsible than I should to show my support to my mom. She was the best single mom someone could wish for and never let us miss anything, supported for our big and lovely family.
Now I was seeing her so strong enough to tell us that everything would be ok and that she would go back home healthy again, she kept brave enough to take difficult choices and still fighting for her children so I was able to think about the mistaken diagnostic because I thought that a mom can't be very ill or at least not while her kids aren't older enough to make their own lives.
At that moment I wasn't able to understand why my family was always next to us, asking how to help and trying to show their support or trying to teach us what to do and how to do it. I even felt annoyed of them and their attitude, I couldn't understand anything.
I didn't want to admit that my mom had cancer and will take her a lot of time to go back home so we had to think about a new way to live, be with her and keep our home perfect, just like she used to do.
Each person admits the illness in its way, when your heart and your mind finally let you do it or when that "roller coaster" makes you wake up. That's why it's so important that relatives and friends show always their support being there to talk whenever the patient or its family members need it, to answer any question or just to take a walk.
In fact, sometimes isn't necessary to talk about the illness and specially not when someone didn't accept it yet. Time is the only one who can determine when you will accept the illness and with it, you will start a lot of little battles.
At any stage of this "roller coaster" the most important thing if you will show your support is to be very specific about what you can do. If you say "I'm here for you no matter what", maybe it can't work so well but you can help a lot if you say "I can show you how to do..." or "I can do this for you if you want" or just "I can be next to you to walk or just take a break and breathe"
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